More Birds, Bugs, and Boats

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There ended up being quite a few pictures I took that did not get inserted into my blog posts about my Kootenay travels so here are a few more of my favourites for your enjoyment. Here are a couple of … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats Behind

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Part III The Unlocking The day to go North came so very quickly and before I knew it, I was on a bus filled with strange faces, on my way to a place I honestly didn’t really feel like going … Continue reading

When You Weren’t Looking

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It seems like there has been a lot of death around me lately.  Usually it’s not something I feel comfortable talking about but it’s been making me feel so much.  I’ve decided that maybe the best way to deal with these feelings is to write.

You hear about people dying in genocides, terrorist attacks, wars of religion etc. and it has become such a common occurrence that that now it no longer phases us.  Not one of us remembers the faces of the dead who bare no names.  Not one of us remembers the names of the of the dead who bare no connection to our world.  We go on like nothing is happening.  We live in a paradise, with our backs to the shadows.

Sometimes death will hit very close to home.  It’s harder to ignore.  Yet I’ve noticed that somehow we are all still withdrawn, even once death has now made itself very real.  Even once death has touched us.  Is it all the death on the news, in the movies, and in our games?  Or is it normal?  Is it normal that no one seems to ache for the loss of precious lives?  Or is it weird to feel such anguish, when you have no connection to the deceased?

I am sure people do feel something when strangers pass but they have just become so skilled at isolating themselves from it.

I know I am not alone in feeling such pain for the dead.  I know I am not alone in feeling such pain for their families.  I know I am not alone in wishing I could fix what was broken… but I feel so empty.  What is the point?  Why are the least deserving taken the earliest?  Who decides their fate?  I am sure that is not the choice they would have made.

Life is so fleeting, so beautiful, and so full of pain.  It is a light in the darkness that you weren’t sure you saw.  It is that taste in your mouth that you can’t seem to place.  Life is time that passed when you weren’t looking and now you can’t remember where you’ve come from.  And in the end, it doesn’t really matter, because it’ll all be gone once you get where you’re going.

I think it’s really disturbing that at one moment, everything could be fine.  Then in a second later, the world flips, and you’re gone; as fast as sparks flying up from the fire.  There is no goodbye, the end comes too fast.

Now here I am by myself, crying for all the people I don’t know and never will.  I am thinking of all the things they’ll never see, all the things they’ll never do, and always wondering why they weren’t supposed to.

Close Your Eyes

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Have you ever simply closed your eyes and just listened to the breeze?  Listened to the whistling of the leaves and that quiet in between?  There really isn’t anything else like it.  It carries you away on a lighthearted symphony that is so soft and so free.  Take a moment and come along with me.

When you’re here, there’s never any rush.  Take your time, and embrace it all.  Look around you, breathe it all in.  This is beauty in its rawest form and you are here to witness it.  Listen to every chirp, every groan, and every creak.  Let every sound, smell, and sight fill you up.  Lay in it and let it hold you.

What you are witnessing is a living, breathing masterpiece; a muse eternal.

I have never felt a love, a joy, or a sense of wonder like this.  Nothing can compare.  I am whole here and there isn’t a worry in the world.

So close your eyes and take a moment. Take it now.  What you’re missing is floating on the wind.

Love is More Than Just Two People

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Love is more than just two people.  Love is a connection to something bigger.  I can see that now. I’ve been going for a lot of walks with my camera lately and everything seems so much more alive than ever … Continue reading

Someone I See But Do Not Know

Jittery and abrupt, this man takes no time to be patient.  His body quivers with the anticipation of his daily coffee.  It is not the happy quiver of excitement that consumes him, but the shakes of a man seeking an escape.  I never knew that coffee could be an escape but I suppose it may be for some.

His eyes jump out at me as he asks for his regular coffee and he tells me all the woes that have ruined his day.  It is only 9 am and he has no optimism for what may come.  His coffee is a centimeter too high in his cup, his voice grows.  I dump it out and it becomes too low.  Finally the perfect height is reached and he pays, demanding a receipt.  I smile anyways and he gives me a look which is neither friendly or unkind.  He holds that look for a long moment before finally turning away.

I watch him leave and walk a few meters from the shop.  He lights a cigarette and stares off into traffic.  His windbreaker jacket is an awkward shade of blue and stands out amongst the many people walking by.  I then notice the way his faded baseball cap makes his graying tufts of hair stick out at awkward angles.  Staring at him, I can’t help but wonder about this man and what created him into such an awkward character.  However, there is one thing I am sure of… he will be back in 20 minutes for his free refill.

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The Fear Inside

Fear resides inside of us.  The fear of “I’m not good enough” and “What will __ think?”.  These are the fears of the fully capables and the doubtfuls; the creatives, and the brains.  These are the fears of you and I, the fears of the girl in the craft aisle as she sets down the paints.  These are the fears of the man outside the music shop, looking in wistfully at the guitar inside.  These are the fears of the business man in the tattoo parlor, the cashier singing in the shower, and the boy down the road who’s hiding his paintings. Why is creativity so intimidating? Why do we believe that our creations should be the same as those of an artist we look up to? And why the hell isn’t my stuff as good as that writer over there?  Well that’s simply because we decided that for ourselves.

This fear we are constantly worrying about isn’t real.  Not even that fear of what someone will think of that wacky outfit that you love but don’t wear.  And no, not just the creative fears.  We live in a weird world where everyone is afraid.  We are afraid to dress, afraid to eat, afraid to dance, afraid to laugh, sing, speak, play, and simply be ourselves.  And who created this nonsense? No one but us of course.  I say this reign of nonsensical fear must end.

We must slip out from beneath our cloaks of doubt, and slip eager toes into the basin of possibility.  We must shout out our passion from the rooftops and run through the streets without a care.  We must forget about the thoughts of others and instead spend a lot more time in our own minds.  What is YOUR opinion?  What is YOUR passion? Who are YOU and who could YOU be?  I am not saying we shut our minds off to the ideas of others but we must not ever forget our own.

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The Storm That Built Us (a short ponder)

Life is filled with many things.  It is a journey we all travel, yet our paths are not all the same.  Hardships and good times will bury us in emotion.  Some of us will have lives with less balance and for some, it will be a pretty smooth ride.  However, despite all of our differences, we all have a storm that we must get through.

The storm is something in this life that no one can escape; for the storm rages inside of us.  This storm teaches us.  It teaches us the art of compassion, forgiveness, kindness, acceptance, and appreciation among many other essential values.  The storm may not be fair, and it sure as hell may not be kind but it is necessary.  “Why is it necessary?” you might ask.  Well for many reasons, and most importantly, our growth as emotional beings.

Lots of us will wonder why, and many of us won’t ever get an answer that satisfies us.  Nothing is for certain and not many people are comfortable with that.

Life is jam packed full of emotion; Emotion that makes you shiver, emotion that makes you scream, dance, cry, and laugh.  Life is nothing without this emotion.  It is an empty house on an empty avenue, with no one to turn the lights on.  I would like to think that perhaps it is the storm that causes us to shiver with ecstasy; for without the storm, we may not be human at all.

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The Point and Purpose

Sometimes, when I’m at work, I can feel the fluorescent lights beating down on me.

It’s quiet.  I yawn and stare up at them.  They do not feel right to me.  I swear I can feel them sucking out my soul… or maybe it’s just my imagination.  Maybe it’s just the people, not the place.  Perhaps I don’t belong.  I believe we all have a purpose and we know when we are not following it… maybe this is a sign that I am not following mine?

If I am not following mine, then how do I decide where to go? Will something give me a little shove in the right direction?  Going in blind is always a little unsettling… but maybe that is the point of life?  Since we only get one life (that we know of) shouldn’t we be taking many leaps of faith then?  What is the point of being comfortable all of the time when life is so short to begin with?  Or is that the goal instead?  Many people seem to strive for an unattainable happiness and comfort… are they on the right path?  Who is to say?  Perhaps that is their purpose.  Should that be mine?

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Is it not those who stray from the path who find what they are looking for?  Maybe we should all do a little bushwhacking.  Perhaps the whole point of this journey is the adventure.  Maybe the point isn’t your rank or if you met the status quo, but instead the lessons you’ve learned, the knowledge you’ve acquired, and the beauty you’ve seen.  Maybe the point to this whole thing is to feel the sand between your toes, feel the rain on your face, love passionately, and live as though it were your only day.

Now living like it was your only day everyday, I think, would be rather difficult.  Would I be spending all my days the way I am right now?  Definitely not.  Would you?  Maybe if we spent our free time like it was our only day… maybe that would be good enough.

Either way, each of our purposes are different and we should never stop striving for that purpose.  It’s not necessarily fate or destiny but a choice.  Our choices determine the fate that awaits us.  What will you choose?

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The Birth of Negativity

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Where does our negativity come from?  Many, like myself, choose to believe that it is caused by other people.  Which, in a certain sense, is slightly true.  The other side of this, which many of us choose to ignore, is that it is our fault that we let it in in the first place.  For me, I have this dreadful habit of never sticking up for myself and standing behind my beliefs.  I don’t have this problem due to uncertainty, just good old fear.  Fear of what comes from telling the truth.  As silly as that is, it is true, and I believe that there are many others out there like me who would rather avoid the confrontation.

This habit of mine is so dreadful, not only because I let others trample over me without a fight, but because this anger slowly builds up inside of me and boils in my blood.  As it boils it runs from hurt, to anger, to hate, and finally to loathing.  And still I say nothing.

I often imagine opening my mouth and letting my feelings poor out, but instead I clench my jaw in fear.  I always regret not saying anything.  Especially since if I had said something, I wouldn’t be lingering on the situation for any longer than needed and then no evil would fester up inside of me.

I am not a negative person but am easily affected by the negativity around me.  I need to stop sitting in silence and taking the negativity others throw at me and speak up for once in my life. I need to stop doing everything for other people and worrying about what they think and just do things for me. It won’t be until then that I find the happiness I am seeking and I know this.

 

How do you battle your negativity?

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