Rambling Nonsense on a Friday Night

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Sometimes it can feel like you are floating through life; the expectations that others have for you, weighing heavy on your thoughts.  You don’t know where you are going, and maybe only have a faint idea of where you would like to go but that isn’t good enough.  It’s not good enough for the hungry questions they keep asking you.  It’s not enough for the questioning and sometimes disappointed looks in their eyes.  According to them, you never made it and they feel responsible.  They feel responsible for some sick and selfish reason, that honestly has nothing to do with them.

Honesty aside, it possibly does have something to do with them.  If they weren’t always trying to steer you in the “right” direction and their expectations weren’t burning holes into you at night, then maybe you would have had a better idea of what YOU actually want.  Maybe, you might actually already be where you want to be (or maybe it would be easier to realize that you are there already).  It doesn’t matter if you have some big title, fancy house, and/or a wife and three kids.  No, it doesn’t matter if you have all your money organized, and put away into pretty little accounts, so you can go away on weekends.  It doesn’t matter if you fit into this nice little box of what it means to be an adult. None of that matters, unless it truly matters to YOU and you alone.

If you’re happy working odd jobs, travelling the world and living in your car…  being colourful or quiet or weird. If you dropped out of college because it just didn’t feel right… or if you never went at all, because you just couldn’t seem to fathom it, though everyone kept telling you that’s where you ought to be… If you’re happy with how you have chosen to move forward in life, then stop being unhappy because other people think that you should be.

Stop wasting time, waiting for the future that others have planned for you.  Go out there and just be you.  You don’t owe anyone a single thing.  There’s only one person you owe, and that person is yourself.  You owe yourself the motivation to do what is right for you, and the strength to stand by that.  You owe yourself kind words of support and optimism.  You owe yourself the chance to get off of the hamster wheel and to go to where you feel the most yourself.  You don’t really owe yourself much, but it’s worth a lifetime.

Why?

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Sometimes it’s really hard to not think about the question “why”.  It lingers in the dusty cupboard in the back room of all of our minds. Why?

Why am I here?  Why are you here? Why?  And there are no answers, only the whimsical theories of mysterious men.

Spirituality, I find, is often hard to comprehend.  Why is one spirituality deemed better over another?  Why is spirituality deemed wrong if it is not the same as our own? Why?

Why is my spirituality better?  Why is yours? Why?  And there are no answers, just the closed-minded theories of those unwilling to admit that they ask why too.

Everything is deemed destiny by few.  Some others do not agree.  Why would each of our lives have a purpose?  Why is it not just a big soup of nonsense?  And if it is, why does it exist? Why?

Why is my life important?  Why do you take part in it?  And there are no answers, just bangle-wearing women with foggy crystal balls and tarot cards.

And who really knows if there’s a god? Who really cares? And who really knows how far science can go? Who?

Maybe nothing I see is here and maybe there is no purpose. If that is so then why the need for survival?  Why the fight?  Why the passion, the fear, the dreams? Why the music and the screams?  Why do I run, and why do I seek, the answers to why, oh why, oh why?

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Sometimes

Sometimes, when it’s quiet, I like to look out my window.  I see all the passing cars rushing by, in a hurry to go nowhere important.

Why does no one walk anywhere anymore?  Do people only walk to prove some sort of point in the fitness world now?  What happened to walking for the simple fact that it was enjoyable?  Walking is a time to be grounded, a time to reflect, to open up and be with yourself.

It seems that everyone partakes in activities that should be fun but instead do it for some sort of social status.  I guess that is kindof like me writing this post now.  Were we always so selfish to the point of limiting ourselves and ripping ourselves off from the pleasure of living?

I don’t know, maybe people enjoy that sorta thing.  Maybe I’m just the odd one out.  Maybe society is something in which I was never meant to take part.

However, maybe my odd love for walking is the reason I SHOULD take part in society.  Everyone has their quirks and that’s what makes the world so beautiful.  Diversity is such an amazing thing that many of us take for granted, especially when it comes to our own differences.  It is amazing how many of us wish to change who we are, if even just a little.

It took me a very long time to realize that we are who we are meant to be and if there are any changes we want to make to ourselves, those changes should be for ourselves.  In this life we should not be striving to be someone else or be jealous of their accomplishments and appearance.  We should be proud of those people as well as supportive.  We should be proud of ourselves as well; of our accomplishments and our unique appearances.  There is so much beauty within us and many people bury it in jealousy.

Jealousy is a strong and destructive emotion that consumes many minds.  It seeps into your soul on your inhale, like a sickly sweet perfume, and it sticks thickly on your skin until it is the only thing you can smell.  It coats your eyes like oil and turns your mind into a terrible record on repeat.  We grow tense, filled with such intense anguish and so we suffer, forgetting that we only need breathe out.

Sometimes, when it’s quiet, I like to look out my window.  I see all the cars rushing by, in a hurry to go nowhere important. ©a medly of the old and new 884

The Art of Giving Up

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Sometimes we give up

Assuming our goal is too high or too deep

We don’t take a second to step back and calculate

We just stop

Why do we do this?

What makes us give up on our dreams?

I used to like to think that I was banking them away for later; a good excuse for procrastination and/or giving up entirely.  It seems as though even when people are constantly giving up, they refuse to admit it, me being one of them.  Where does the motivation and passion go?  Could it have simply melted away into nothing?  Why do we constantly lie to ourselves about this loss?  And why in the hell am I still up at 4 am typing this damn text that is borderline stream-of-consciousness writing?  Maybe these thoughts are important for some reason or another but I can’t be sure where they came from or why it is that I must be writing them now.

What is important is that dreams are not something we should stash away in the drawer of tomorrow, they should be a gift that we open today.  We too often back down out of fear and insecurity when we should be rising up and taking hold.  It really isn’t as hard as it may seem.  I am beginning to realize that now, at least with the smaller things.  The larger things take just a little more work and dedication.  To persevere one must let go of doubt and let confidence pour in.  Now if I can just push myself a little further… if I can wade out just a little deeper… who knows where my river of dreams could take me?

Oh but giving up is easy

Maybe we would just rather lay around

Feeling too trapped for that bravery

We don’t like the risk of tangling our chains

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