More Birds, Bugs, and Boats

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There ended up being quite a few pictures I took that did not get inserted into my blog posts about my Kootenay travels so here are a few more of my favourites for your enjoyment. Here are a couple of … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats Behind

This gallery contains 23 photos.

Part III The Unlocking The day to go North came so very quickly and before I knew it, I was on a bus filled with strange faces, on my way to a place I honestly didn’t really feel like going … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats Cont.

This gallery contains 39 photos.

Part II The Unlearning What began as an innocent dip of my toes into what my dad likes to call the “boat life”, became a complete lifestyle transformation.  I lived in rolled up jeans and bare feet, showering became a … Continue reading

Coping With the Loss of Your Written Content

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As many people don’t know, I have been (finally!) working on a new blog post to announce my return to the digital world and talking about where I’ve been hiding these past months.  I was having a really rough time getting the words out and had only written about two hundred within the past four days.  However, today was the day that nearly a thousand of them flooded my screen.  Part I of my return post was complete.  At least for a few short moments it was.  You see, I had thought that I had saved my work when I went to go preview it.  It hadn’t saved properly.  I was in denial when I couldn’t scroll below the two hundred words… that’s when the anger hit and I screamed, nearly throwing my laptop before running out of the room in disbelief and horror.  This is not a normal response from me and I know there are a lot of people who would not fully understand how much of an impact this moment had.  However, I know that somewhere, there are people who totally get it.

It is amazing how much of a difference one second can make to your day and your life.  I had just been smiling with pride moments before, excited about how the format would look finally published.  Then I lost my mind and went to stand in the shower for a while before coming back to search for an article about coping with the loss of written work.  There is no such article that I could find.

I thought that an article like that was sure to exist.  How could it not?  Google is supposed to have all of the answers in’t it?  Actually no, it doesn’t and for the first time in my little life, Google let me down.  I felt so alone, staring at the screen, realizing that maybe it was just me, alone with a blinking text cursor rubbing my fate in my face.

I would like to note that I am still going to rewrite my return post as though this one had never been written and hopefully it can be anywhere near as good as the original… but until then, here are some steps for coping with the loss of your written (or other creative) work.

I. Walk Away and Get Some Air.

II. Do Something Else for a Few Minutes (Hopefully something that makes you feel good… like sex or eating).

III. There Is More Where That Came From.

IV. It Doesn’t Have to be Exactly the Same to be Great.

V. Forget About It and Start Over Fresh.

VI. Rome Wasn’t Built In a Day (And I’m sure they had struggles too).

VII. You Are Not Alone.

VIII. Try Working on a Different Piece and Then Go Back to It.

IX. It’s Not Your Fault (Accidents happen. That’s what life and learning are all about).

X. This Too, Shall Pass.

When You Weren’t Looking

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It seems like there has been a lot of death around me lately.  Usually it’s not something I feel comfortable talking about but it’s been making me feel so much.  I’ve decided that maybe the best way to deal with these feelings is to write.

You hear about people dying in genocides, terrorist attacks, wars of religion etc. and it has become such a common occurrence that that now it no longer phases us.  Not one of us remembers the faces of the dead who bare no names.  Not one of us remembers the names of the of the dead who bare no connection to our world.  We go on like nothing is happening.  We live in a paradise, with our backs to the shadows.

Sometimes death will hit very close to home.  It’s harder to ignore.  Yet I’ve noticed that somehow we are all still withdrawn, even once death has now made itself very real.  Even once death has touched us.  Is it all the death on the news, in the movies, and in our games?  Or is it normal?  Is it normal that no one seems to ache for the loss of precious lives?  Or is it weird to feel such anguish, when you have no connection to the deceased?

I am sure people do feel something when strangers pass but they have just become so skilled at isolating themselves from it.

I know I am not alone in feeling such pain for the dead.  I know I am not alone in feeling such pain for their families.  I know I am not alone in wishing I could fix what was broken… but I feel so empty.  What is the point?  Why are the least deserving taken the earliest?  Who decides their fate?  I am sure that is not the choice they would have made.

Life is so fleeting, so beautiful, and so full of pain.  It is a light in the darkness that you weren’t sure you saw.  It is that taste in your mouth that you can’t seem to place.  Life is time that passed when you weren’t looking and now you can’t remember where you’ve come from.  And in the end, it doesn’t really matter, because it’ll all be gone once you get where you’re going.

I think it’s really disturbing that at one moment, everything could be fine.  Then in a second later, the world flips, and you’re gone; as fast as sparks flying up from the fire.  There is no goodbye, the end comes too fast.

Now here I am by myself, crying for all the people I don’t know and never will.  I am thinking of all the things they’ll never see, all the things they’ll never do, and always wondering why they weren’t supposed to.

Love is More Than Just Two People

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Love is more than just two people.  Love is a connection to something bigger.  I can see that now. I’ve been going for a lot of walks with my camera lately and everything seems so much more alive than ever … Continue reading

My First Love

Mashing the back of the fork down on top of the eggs  is my favourite part.  I love to watch the yellow yolk as it streams out over the toast like syrup.  I smile at mum as she comes over to cut the toast and eggs into little pieces for me before heading back to bed.  It is the early morning, I am four, and these poached eggs on toast are my favourite meal.  There’s just something about the toast, the gooeyness of the egg, and the flavour of the pepper that just captivates the senses.  I don’t care that no one is sitting here with me, for I am too immersed in the enjoyment of this moment.  The warmth is filling up inside my belly as each tasty bit finds its way into my mouth and I fall in love. Finally the inevitable happens and I have eaten it all. I am saddened once no egg bits remain so I stay seated, staring at my empty plate.  Why couldn’t that moment have just lasted a little bit longer?

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Today, I am nineteen, and these poached eggs on toast are still my favourite meal.  However, my plate need no longer remain empty, for I can reach the stove.

 

All words and pictures are my own. ©

 

Everything Happens for a Reason

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It may seem cliché and overused but it is true, everything does happen for a reason.  Every little thing from knocking a glass over, to meeting someone on the street all has a meaning and a purpose.  You probably won’t even realize the power and significance of a single moment until you reflect back on it, usually a long time after.

Not everything that happens to us is nice or enjoyable.  Rather, many occurrences in life can be quite terrible and unfortunate.  However, it is my belief that most of these terrible, unfortunate events NEED to happen for specific reasons.  I have often mentioned this out loud and have been deemed cruel and uncaring but that is okay.  I am not sorry for trying to make sense of the negative in a positive way.  Life, for no reason, was meant to be easy.  Life was meant to be hard because if it were easy, we wouldn’t learn anything at all and there would be no point in living.

Life is like a pond, with many different stones of all shapes and sizes being thrown into it.  Each stone causes ripples, each of a different magnitude.   After all the stones have fallen in, the pond’s surface regains its smooth composure as though nothing had happened.  Down in the bottom those stones rest, as memories.  When you look at this image in your mind, imagine that the stones are key events and the ripples are the aftermath.  If the stones had not fallen in, the ripples would never have occurred and if the ripples had never occurred, the pond would be empty.

There is always something that is going to happen to you and you may or may not like it.  However, you must not forget that these are the things that give you substance.  These events are the building blocks of who you are to become and what you have the possibility to be capable of.  There are no mistakes, there are only limitless possibilities.

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The Storm That Built Us (a short ponder)

Life is filled with many things.  It is a journey we all travel, yet our paths are not all the same.  Hardships and good times will bury us in emotion.  Some of us will have lives with less balance and for some, it will be a pretty smooth ride.  However, despite all of our differences, we all have a storm that we must get through.

The storm is something in this life that no one can escape; for the storm rages inside of us.  This storm teaches us.  It teaches us the art of compassion, forgiveness, kindness, acceptance, and appreciation among many other essential values.  The storm may not be fair, and it sure as hell may not be kind but it is necessary.  “Why is it necessary?” you might ask.  Well for many reasons, and most importantly, our growth as emotional beings.

Lots of us will wonder why, and many of us won’t ever get an answer that satisfies us.  Nothing is for certain and not many people are comfortable with that.

Life is jam packed full of emotion; Emotion that makes you shiver, emotion that makes you scream, dance, cry, and laugh.  Life is nothing without this emotion.  It is an empty house on an empty avenue, with no one to turn the lights on.  I would like to think that perhaps it is the storm that causes us to shiver with ecstasy; for without the storm, we may not be human at all.

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The Point and Purpose

Sometimes, when I’m at work, I can feel the fluorescent lights beating down on me.

It’s quiet.  I yawn and stare up at them.  They do not feel right to me.  I swear I can feel them sucking out my soul… or maybe it’s just my imagination.  Maybe it’s just the people, not the place.  Perhaps I don’t belong.  I believe we all have a purpose and we know when we are not following it… maybe this is a sign that I am not following mine?

If I am not following mine, then how do I decide where to go? Will something give me a little shove in the right direction?  Going in blind is always a little unsettling… but maybe that is the point of life?  Since we only get one life (that we know of) shouldn’t we be taking many leaps of faith then?  What is the point of being comfortable all of the time when life is so short to begin with?  Or is that the goal instead?  Many people seem to strive for an unattainable happiness and comfort… are they on the right path?  Who is to say?  Perhaps that is their purpose.  Should that be mine?

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Is it not those who stray from the path who find what they are looking for?  Maybe we should all do a little bushwhacking.  Perhaps the whole point of this journey is the adventure.  Maybe the point isn’t your rank or if you met the status quo, but instead the lessons you’ve learned, the knowledge you’ve acquired, and the beauty you’ve seen.  Maybe the point to this whole thing is to feel the sand between your toes, feel the rain on your face, love passionately, and live as though it were your only day.

Now living like it was your only day everyday, I think, would be rather difficult.  Would I be spending all my days the way I am right now?  Definitely not.  Would you?  Maybe if we spent our free time like it was our only day… maybe that would be good enough.

Either way, each of our purposes are different and we should never stop striving for that purpose.  It’s not necessarily fate or destiny but a choice.  Our choices determine the fate that awaits us.  What will you choose?

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