My Fear


Fear is a large blanket, covered in many different scenarios.  Fear means many things to many people.  For me fear is the movement of six little legs, moving my way.  Fear is standing on the peak of my favourite mountain, looking down, and trying not to let the edge pull me off.  It is the affection of a lover from whom I have yet  to gain trust.  Fear comes to me in the form of a compliment I do not believe.  Fear is not knowing what is lurking in the shadows when I am alone in the eve’.  Fear is opening up my doors and dropping all of my walls with a very great chance of being burned.  I am afraid of moments like this, writing a post, where I fear I am unable to outdo my last one. Fear is that moment when my heart nearly stops in my chest and I don’t know what to do next to change the path of the situation.  Fear is the bane of my existence.  The thing that holds me back from all of the wild adventure in the unknown.  Fear for me is the word “no” when “yes” should be the only answer.


What is fear for you?


All pictures and words are my own.©


What Does It Mean To Be An Adult?


When I was younger, I used to think that when you became an adult a magical transformation of sorts would occur.  I used to believe that when you became an adult, all of the immaturity and irrational actions would be washed away into yesterday.  Now that I am there, I face a rude awakening.  It is not like this at all.  Actually, it is possibly worse, which makes absolutely no sense.

We spend our entire childhoods being taught how to be kinder and more considerate of others and yet when we grow up, we are almost more mean than when we started out.  We also consider ourselves smarter, which is why when we want to be mean, we go about it in sly ways.  We now know how to catch people off guard when they are vulnerable, and hit them where it hurts.

When we grow up there are still cliques and judgement, except now the price to pay for “cool” is raised to a ridiculously high bar.  We need to own a big house, a nice car, make beautiful children, go on vacation twice a year, know all the right people in all the right countries, possibly speak multiple languages, look good, and still have money to spare.  Therefor, we are all in debt over being “cool” or slowly getting out of debt with that cushy job that we hate, but worked years to get and paid thousands of dollars to go to school for.  Pretty picture isn’t it?

I personally think that being an adult should mean so much more.

I want being an adult to mean more than the car I drive, where I work, or the house I live in.  I want being an adult to mean that I am a responsible individual who takes into consideration the lessons I’ve learned and acts on that.  I want it to mean that I am a role model to everyone and that I am a good one.  I want it to mean more than being legal to drink and buy porn.  I want it to mean that I have the opportunity to make decisions that can impact a world.  I want it to mean that I have power which I am responsible and knowledgeable enough to use for good rather than waste it on trivial pursuits.  I want being an adult to mean what it is supposed to, that we are grown up and are able to walk past the weak emotions of our adolescence and reach the peak of our potential.