Shed Your Shell

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Things get a little dim sometimes; lost in transition.  You’ve got to take a moment every so often to get back what you hid in the shadows.  Spinning and spinning until fragments of yourself fall, giving way to what lies beneath.  Raw and vulnerable, without your shell, you have forgotten what it is to be guarded.  The walls you used to keep high have disappeared and you can’t even place when it happened.  You don’t even remember what it was like to be so withdrawn.

You had never known you could become so jaded.  You never knew that it could go away either.  But  you did, and it has.

The world around you is just as cold and dangerous as before, but you don’t care.  You see what is beautiful and you are basking in it.  It can’t hurt you anymore.  The lights are out, but you can see it all so much more clearly than before.  The limitless horizon is open before you.  Run into it.  Don’t bother to look back, it’s all behind you now and what is to come can only be better.  You weren’t supposed to stay behind if that’s not where you find yourself today.  Move forward, let it go.

Those thoughts you’re having – the anxiety, the pain, the fear, the self-consciousness – let them go.  You are who you are and that is all you need to be.  Let yourself go, give into yourself and move to the beat of your passions.  You won’t let anyone ever make you feel small again, you won’t even consider letting them.

The seriousness is all a joke, none of it really matters in the end.  All that matters is that you smiled, if even just to yourself.  A smile makes up for every bad thing in your day, every negative thought.  When they come up, just smile.  None of that matters, push it away with a smile and move on.  People have a very hard time moving on from these small, simple nuances during their days and over time, these things accumulate into a darkness that sits inside.  They put up walls and guard their hearts against the world so much so, that not even the good can get in anymore.  Where did you go?

Rambling Nonsense on a Friday Night

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Sometimes it can feel like you are floating through life; the expectations that others have for you, weighing heavy on your thoughts.  You don’t know where you are going, and maybe only have a faint idea of where you would like to go but that isn’t good enough.  It’s not good enough for the hungry questions they keep asking you.  It’s not enough for the questioning and sometimes disappointed looks in their eyes.  According to them, you never made it and they feel responsible.  They feel responsible for some sick and selfish reason, that honestly has nothing to do with them.

Honesty aside, it possibly does have something to do with them.  If they weren’t always trying to steer you in the “right” direction and their expectations weren’t burning holes into you at night, then maybe you would have had a better idea of what YOU actually want.  Maybe, you might actually already be where you want to be (or maybe it would be easier to realize that you are there already).  It doesn’t matter if you have some big title, fancy house, and/or a wife and three kids.  No, it doesn’t matter if you have all your money organized, and put away into pretty little accounts, so you can go away on weekends.  It doesn’t matter if you fit into this nice little box of what it means to be an adult. None of that matters, unless it truly matters to YOU and you alone.

If you’re happy working odd jobs, travelling the world and living in your car…  being colourful or quiet or weird. If you dropped out of college because it just didn’t feel right… or if you never went at all, because you just couldn’t seem to fathom it, though everyone kept telling you that’s where you ought to be… If you’re happy with how you have chosen to move forward in life, then stop being unhappy because other people think that you should be.

Stop wasting time, waiting for the future that others have planned for you.  Go out there and just be you.  You don’t owe anyone a single thing.  There’s only one person you owe, and that person is yourself.  You owe yourself the motivation to do what is right for you, and the strength to stand by that.  You owe yourself kind words of support and optimism.  You owe yourself the chance to get off of the hamster wheel and to go to where you feel the most yourself.  You don’t really owe yourself much, but it’s worth a lifetime.

More Birds, Bugs, and Boats

This gallery contains 89 photos.

There ended up being quite a few pictures I took that did not get inserted into my blog posts about my Kootenay travels so here are a few more of my favourites for your enjoyment. Here are a couple of … Continue reading

False Presumptions

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It takes more than a night to know somebody.  More than a kiss to know their true colours.  Who they are is but a whisper, clouded in by false pretenses and old habits.  How do you ever really know someone, and when is a good time to turn the other way?

Each one of us has a story, with parts that turn raw and gory.  And we are ashamed.  We should not be afraid of what lurks within our emotions or what makes us feel alive.  What is wrong with a little raw humanity and just doing something because you want to?  It doesn’t have to mean more than the simplest of things but it also doesn’t have to mean that we don’t care.  Who decides whether or not it should be complicated?

We live in a world where we are told that there are always strings attached.  We don’t want to owe anyone anything.

We live in a world where one misstep tells a person that you are just like all the rest.  We are afraid.

We are afraid of the things we want to trust, the things we wish we were brave enough to pull close.  We are laying alone at night, thinking of that person who we think should be the last thing on our minds.  We live in a world where we can’t tell that person anything that we are feeling because it is considered weak and desperate.

When will it be okay to be honest?  When will it be okay to just feel a little?

Someone I See But Do Not Know

Jittery and abrupt, this man takes no time to be patient.  His body quivers with the anticipation of his daily coffee.  It is not the happy quiver of excitement that consumes him, but the shakes of a man seeking an escape.  I never knew that coffee could be an escape but I suppose it may be for some.

His eyes jump out at me as he asks for his regular coffee and he tells me all the woes that have ruined his day.  It is only 9 am and he has no optimism for what may come.  His coffee is a centimeter too high in his cup, his voice grows.  I dump it out and it becomes too low.  Finally the perfect height is reached and he pays, demanding a receipt.  I smile anyways and he gives me a look which is neither friendly or unkind.  He holds that look for a long moment before finally turning away.

I watch him leave and walk a few meters from the shop.  He lights a cigarette and stares off into traffic.  His windbreaker jacket is an awkward shade of blue and stands out amongst the many people walking by.  I then notice the way his faded baseball cap makes his graying tufts of hair stick out at awkward angles.  Staring at him, I can’t help but wonder about this man and what created him into such an awkward character.  However, there is one thing I am sure of… he will be back in 20 minutes for his free refill.

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Stream Of Consciousness no.1

The hearts of men are thirsty, beating, and impulsive.  Longing for the unknown, the undefined, and the untouched.  Something new, something old, something better than what we hold.  Angry are these hearts who can’t find their way.  They grow tense, they grow cold, and before they know it, they are old.  The heart is more than just an organ pumping blood through some veins.  The heart is something that we can not explain.  So many things fill up our hearts, and sadly some of them stain very dark.  I haven’t figured out a remedy for this.  Maybe some good bleach, a knife and a kiss…? Don’t you get like that sometimes?  Wanting to just rip out your heart and get a new one.  Maybe you’d forget all the feelings that got you here in the first place.  But how long does a pure heart last?  Does it even exist or has it been stained by our nature?  I really would like to know.  But more importantly, can you save it?  I don’t see why we should all be doomed.  Perhaps we are though and I guess some just deal with it better than others.  I always wondered how people lost their minds.  It is a funny image if you think about it.  I often picture it as the mind floating out of the body and up into the sky, much like a lost balloon that has slipped from the grasp of a small child. Once noticed, it is too late and far beyond their reach so they just stand there, helpless, watching it float away into the clouds.

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Caged By Our Ignorance

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As some of you may have noticed, I have not taken the time to write a post in a while.  I am going to take this opportunity to use my being away on vacation as an excuse.  However, while away, I happened upon the idea for this piece by chance.  It came to me while visiting Parrot Island, a sanctuary for neglected and abused exotic birds. Before going into the room of caged birds, I was made to watch a video.  This video told me something I was ignorant of and I am sure many others are ignorant of, and that is the amount of abandoned and abused exotic birds across the globe. DSCN1181 DSCN1177 DSCN1173 DSCN1171 DSCN1155 DSCN1154Did you know that ~85% of exotic birds are abandoned, resold or given away within two years of being purchased?  Did you know that ~4 million exotic birds are recorded in trade each year? And did you know that the Scarlet Macaw, the parrot of parrots, is on CITES Appendix 1 due to the pet and cage bird trade?  I definitely didn’t and was horrified.

Scarlet Macaw

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There was so much I was unaware of before going to Parrot Island.  I also didn’t know how sad going to this place would make me.  Seeing all of these beautiful birds crushed my heart and made me ashamed.  I was ashamed for being ignorant to this neglect and abuse.  I found it so difficult to look at these birds, screaming at me from their cages for attention.  No animal deserves this.  Sadly, these are the lucky ones.  Yes, I do realize that there are many animals that are endangered due to human greed.  However, this one seems so simple to prevent and maybe it is where we should start as far as working towards preservation of life on our planet.

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  *These pictures were all taken by me during my visit to Parrot Island and are only a few faces of birds who deserve to fly free.©