Shed Your Shell

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Things get a little dim sometimes; lost in transition.  You’ve got to take a moment every so often to get back what you hid in the shadows.  Spinning and spinning until fragments of yourself fall, giving way to what lies beneath.  Raw and vulnerable, without your shell, you have forgotten what it is to be guarded.  The walls you used to keep high have disappeared and you can’t even place when it happened.  You don’t even remember what it was like to be so withdrawn.

You had never known you could become so jaded.  You never knew that it could go away either.  But  you did, and it has.

The world around you is just as cold and dangerous as before, but you don’t care.  You see what is beautiful and you are basking in it.  It can’t hurt you anymore.  The lights are out, but you can see it all so much more clearly than before.  The limitless horizon is open before you.  Run into it.  Don’t bother to look back, it’s all behind you now and what is to come can only be better.  You weren’t supposed to stay behind if that’s not where you find yourself today.  Move forward, let it go.

Those thoughts you’re having – the anxiety, the pain, the fear, the self-consciousness – let them go.  You are who you are and that is all you need to be.  Let yourself go, give into yourself and move to the beat of your passions.  You won’t let anyone ever make you feel small again, you won’t even consider letting them.

The seriousness is all a joke, none of it really matters in the end.  All that matters is that you smiled, if even just to yourself.  A smile makes up for every bad thing in your day, every negative thought.  When they come up, just smile.  None of that matters, push it away with a smile and move on.  People have a very hard time moving on from these small, simple nuances during their days and over time, these things accumulate into a darkness that sits inside.  They put up walls and guard their hearts against the world so much so, that not even the good can get in anymore.  Where did you go?

Rambling Nonsense on a Friday Night

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Sometimes it can feel like you are floating through life; the expectations that others have for you, weighing heavy on your thoughts.  You don’t know where you are going, and maybe only have a faint idea of where you would like to go but that isn’t good enough.  It’s not good enough for the hungry questions they keep asking you.  It’s not enough for the questioning and sometimes disappointed looks in their eyes.  According to them, you never made it and they feel responsible.  They feel responsible for some sick and selfish reason, that honestly has nothing to do with them.

Honesty aside, it possibly does have something to do with them.  If they weren’t always trying to steer you in the “right” direction and their expectations weren’t burning holes into you at night, then maybe you would have had a better idea of what YOU actually want.  Maybe, you might actually already be where you want to be (or maybe it would be easier to realize that you are there already).  It doesn’t matter if you have some big title, fancy house, and/or a wife and three kids.  No, it doesn’t matter if you have all your money organized, and put away into pretty little accounts, so you can go away on weekends.  It doesn’t matter if you fit into this nice little box of what it means to be an adult. None of that matters, unless it truly matters to YOU and you alone.

If you’re happy working odd jobs, travelling the world and living in your car…  being colourful or quiet or weird. If you dropped out of college because it just didn’t feel right… or if you never went at all, because you just couldn’t seem to fathom it, though everyone kept telling you that’s where you ought to be… If you’re happy with how you have chosen to move forward in life, then stop being unhappy because other people think that you should be.

Stop wasting time, waiting for the future that others have planned for you.  Go out there and just be you.  You don’t owe anyone a single thing.  There’s only one person you owe, and that person is yourself.  You owe yourself the motivation to do what is right for you, and the strength to stand by that.  You owe yourself kind words of support and optimism.  You owe yourself the chance to get off of the hamster wheel and to go to where you feel the most yourself.  You don’t really owe yourself much, but it’s worth a lifetime.

More Birds, Bugs, and Boats

This gallery contains 89 photos.

There ended up being quite a few pictures I took that did not get inserted into my blog posts about my Kootenay travels so here are a few more of my favourites for your enjoyment. Here are a couple of … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats

Alas, I have returned.  I guess it has been about seven months since I’ve posted anything really but it wasn’t just a break from my blog… I ended up taking a whole break from my entire life as some would … Continue reading

The Birth of Negativity

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Where does our negativity come from?  Many, like myself, choose to believe that it is caused by other people.  Which, in a certain sense, is slightly true.  The other side of this, which many of us choose to ignore, is that it is our fault that we let it in in the first place.  For me, I have this dreadful habit of never sticking up for myself and standing behind my beliefs.  I don’t have this problem due to uncertainty, just good old fear.  Fear of what comes from telling the truth.  As silly as that is, it is true, and I believe that there are many others out there like me who would rather avoid the confrontation.

This habit of mine is so dreadful, not only because I let others trample over me without a fight, but because this anger slowly builds up inside of me and boils in my blood.  As it boils it runs from hurt, to anger, to hate, and finally to loathing.  And still I say nothing.

I often imagine opening my mouth and letting my feelings poor out, but instead I clench my jaw in fear.  I always regret not saying anything.  Especially since if I had said something, I wouldn’t be lingering on the situation for any longer than needed and then no evil would fester up inside of me.

I am not a negative person but am easily affected by the negativity around me.  I need to stop sitting in silence and taking the negativity others throw at me and speak up for once in my life. I need to stop doing everything for other people and worrying about what they think and just do things for me. It won’t be until then that I find the happiness I am seeking and I know this.

 

How do you battle your negativity?

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A Poem

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There are times

When I can’t write a damn thing

Times when my brain gets as dry as dirt

With less to offer

There are times

When all the special words

Cease to leap from my mouth

And my fingers forget

How to run freely across my keyboard

There are times

Where it feels as though I have lost all thought

Nothing is interesting

It seems I forgot

Forgot about the beauty

Of the words

The beauty of description

And it blowing in the breeze

It seems I have forgotten

How to form a simple sentence

And now it just sounds rotten

There are times

Times like right now

Where I can’t find inspiration

Not in anything at all

But at least there is still nothing

Because I have found

That nothing is as inspiring as hell

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