Rambling Nonsense on a Friday Night

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Sometimes it can feel like you are floating through life; the expectations that others have for you, weighing heavy on your thoughts.  You don’t know where you are going, and maybe only have a faint idea of where you would like to go but that isn’t good enough.  It’s not good enough for the hungry questions they keep asking you.  It’s not enough for the questioning and sometimes disappointed looks in their eyes.  According to them, you never made it and they feel responsible.  They feel responsible for some sick and selfish reason, that honestly has nothing to do with them.

Honesty aside, it possibly does have something to do with them.  If they weren’t always trying to steer you in the “right” direction and their expectations weren’t burning holes into you at night, then maybe you would have had a better idea of what YOU actually want.  Maybe, you might actually already be where you want to be (or maybe it would be easier to realize that you are there already).  It doesn’t matter if you have some big title, fancy house, and/or a wife and three kids.  No, it doesn’t matter if you have all your money organized, and put away into pretty little accounts, so you can go away on weekends.  It doesn’t matter if you fit into this nice little box of what it means to be an adult. None of that matters, unless it truly matters to YOU and you alone.

If you’re happy working odd jobs, travelling the world and living in your car…  being colourful or quiet or weird. If you dropped out of college because it just didn’t feel right… or if you never went at all, because you just couldn’t seem to fathom it, though everyone kept telling you that’s where you ought to be… If you’re happy with how you have chosen to move forward in life, then stop being unhappy because other people think that you should be.

Stop wasting time, waiting for the future that others have planned for you.  Go out there and just be you.  You don’t owe anyone a single thing.  There’s only one person you owe, and that person is yourself.  You owe yourself the motivation to do what is right for you, and the strength to stand by that.  You owe yourself kind words of support and optimism.  You owe yourself the chance to get off of the hamster wheel and to go to where you feel the most yourself.  You don’t really owe yourself much, but it’s worth a lifetime.

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More Birds, Bugs, and Boats

This gallery contains 89 photos.

There ended up being quite a few pictures I took that did not get inserted into my blog posts about my Kootenay travels so here are a few more of my favourites for your enjoyment. Here are a couple of … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats

Alas, I have returned.  I guess it has been about seven months since I’ve posted anything really but it wasn’t just a break from my blog… I ended up taking a whole break from my entire life as some would … Continue reading

When You Weren’t Looking

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It seems like there has been a lot of death around me lately.  Usually it’s not something I feel comfortable talking about but it’s been making me feel so much.  I’ve decided that maybe the best way to deal with these feelings is to write.

You hear about people dying in genocides, terrorist attacks, wars of religion etc. and it has become such a common occurrence that that now it no longer phases us.  Not one of us remembers the faces of the dead who bare no names.  Not one of us remembers the names of the of the dead who bare no connection to our world.  We go on like nothing is happening.  We live in a paradise, with our backs to the shadows.

Sometimes death will hit very close to home.  It’s harder to ignore.  Yet I’ve noticed that somehow we are all still withdrawn, even once death has now made itself very real.  Even once death has touched us.  Is it all the death on the news, in the movies, and in our games?  Or is it normal?  Is it normal that no one seems to ache for the loss of precious lives?  Or is it weird to feel such anguish, when you have no connection to the deceased?

I am sure people do feel something when strangers pass but they have just become so skilled at isolating themselves from it.

I know I am not alone in feeling such pain for the dead.  I know I am not alone in feeling such pain for their families.  I know I am not alone in wishing I could fix what was broken… but I feel so empty.  What is the point?  Why are the least deserving taken the earliest?  Who decides their fate?  I am sure that is not the choice they would have made.

Life is so fleeting, so beautiful, and so full of pain.  It is a light in the darkness that you weren’t sure you saw.  It is that taste in your mouth that you can’t seem to place.  Life is time that passed when you weren’t looking and now you can’t remember where you’ve come from.  And in the end, it doesn’t really matter, because it’ll all be gone once you get where you’re going.

I think it’s really disturbing that at one moment, everything could be fine.  Then in a second later, the world flips, and you’re gone; as fast as sparks flying up from the fire.  There is no goodbye, the end comes too fast.

Now here I am by myself, crying for all the people I don’t know and never will.  I am thinking of all the things they’ll never see, all the things they’ll never do, and always wondering why they weren’t supposed to.

The Point and Purpose

Sometimes, when I’m at work, I can feel the fluorescent lights beating down on me.

It’s quiet.  I yawn and stare up at them.  They do not feel right to me.  I swear I can feel them sucking out my soul… or maybe it’s just my imagination.  Maybe it’s just the people, not the place.  Perhaps I don’t belong.  I believe we all have a purpose and we know when we are not following it… maybe this is a sign that I am not following mine?

If I am not following mine, then how do I decide where to go? Will something give me a little shove in the right direction?  Going in blind is always a little unsettling… but maybe that is the point of life?  Since we only get one life (that we know of) shouldn’t we be taking many leaps of faith then?  What is the point of being comfortable all of the time when life is so short to begin with?  Or is that the goal instead?  Many people seem to strive for an unattainable happiness and comfort… are they on the right path?  Who is to say?  Perhaps that is their purpose.  Should that be mine?

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Is it not those who stray from the path who find what they are looking for?  Maybe we should all do a little bushwhacking.  Perhaps the whole point of this journey is the adventure.  Maybe the point isn’t your rank or if you met the status quo, but instead the lessons you’ve learned, the knowledge you’ve acquired, and the beauty you’ve seen.  Maybe the point to this whole thing is to feel the sand between your toes, feel the rain on your face, love passionately, and live as though it were your only day.

Now living like it was your only day everyday, I think, would be rather difficult.  Would I be spending all my days the way I am right now?  Definitely not.  Would you?  Maybe if we spent our free time like it was our only day… maybe that would be good enough.

Either way, each of our purposes are different and we should never stop striving for that purpose.  It’s not necessarily fate or destiny but a choice.  Our choices determine the fate that awaits us.  What will you choose?

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Why?

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Sometimes it’s really hard to not think about the question “why”.  It lingers in the dusty cupboard in the back room of all of our minds. Why?

Why am I here?  Why are you here? Why?  And there are no answers, only the whimsical theories of mysterious men.

Spirituality, I find, is often hard to comprehend.  Why is one spirituality deemed better over another?  Why is spirituality deemed wrong if it is not the same as our own? Why?

Why is my spirituality better?  Why is yours? Why?  And there are no answers, just the closed-minded theories of those unwilling to admit that they ask why too.

Everything is deemed destiny by few.  Some others do not agree.  Why would each of our lives have a purpose?  Why is it not just a big soup of nonsense?  And if it is, why does it exist? Why?

Why is my life important?  Why do you take part in it?  And there are no answers, just bangle-wearing women with foggy crystal balls and tarot cards.

And who really knows if there’s a god? Who really cares? And who really knows how far science can go? Who?

Maybe nothing I see is here and maybe there is no purpose. If that is so then why the need for survival?  Why the fight?  Why the passion, the fear, the dreams? Why the music and the screams?  Why do I run, and why do I seek, the answers to why, oh why, oh why?

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