Shed Your Shell

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Things get a little dim sometimes; lost in transition.  You’ve got to take a moment every so often to get back what you hid in the shadows.  Spinning and spinning until fragments of yourself fall, giving way to what lies beneath.  Raw and vulnerable, without your shell, you have forgotten what it is to be guarded.  The walls you used to keep high have disappeared and you can’t even place when it happened.  You don’t even remember what it was like to be so withdrawn.

You had never known you could become so jaded.  You never knew that it could go away either.  But  you did, and it has.

The world around you is just as cold and dangerous as before, but you don’t care.  You see what is beautiful and you are basking in it.  It can’t hurt you anymore.  The lights are out, but you can see it all so much more clearly than before.  The limitless horizon is open before you.  Run into it.  Don’t bother to look back, it’s all behind you now and what is to come can only be better.  You weren’t supposed to stay behind if that’s not where you find yourself today.  Move forward, let it go.

Those thoughts you’re having – the anxiety, the pain, the fear, the self-consciousness – let them go.  You are who you are and that is all you need to be.  Let yourself go, give into yourself and move to the beat of your passions.  You won’t let anyone ever make you feel small again, you won’t even consider letting them.

The seriousness is all a joke, none of it really matters in the end.  All that matters is that you smiled, if even just to yourself.  A smile makes up for every bad thing in your day, every negative thought.  When they come up, just smile.  None of that matters, push it away with a smile and move on.  People have a very hard time moving on from these small, simple nuances during their days and over time, these things accumulate into a darkness that sits inside.  They put up walls and guard their hearts against the world so much so, that not even the good can get in anymore.  Where did you go?

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Rambling Nonsense on a Friday Night

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Sometimes it can feel like you are floating through life; the expectations that others have for you, weighing heavy on your thoughts.  You don’t know where you are going, and maybe only have a faint idea of where you would like to go but that isn’t good enough.  It’s not good enough for the hungry questions they keep asking you.  It’s not enough for the questioning and sometimes disappointed looks in their eyes.  According to them, you never made it and they feel responsible.  They feel responsible for some sick and selfish reason, that honestly has nothing to do with them.

Honesty aside, it possibly does have something to do with them.  If they weren’t always trying to steer you in the “right” direction and their expectations weren’t burning holes into you at night, then maybe you would have had a better idea of what YOU actually want.  Maybe, you might actually already be where you want to be (or maybe it would be easier to realize that you are there already).  It doesn’t matter if you have some big title, fancy house, and/or a wife and three kids.  No, it doesn’t matter if you have all your money organized, and put away into pretty little accounts, so you can go away on weekends.  It doesn’t matter if you fit into this nice little box of what it means to be an adult. None of that matters, unless it truly matters to YOU and you alone.

If you’re happy working odd jobs, travelling the world and living in your car…  being colourful or quiet or weird. If you dropped out of college because it just didn’t feel right… or if you never went at all, because you just couldn’t seem to fathom it, though everyone kept telling you that’s where you ought to be… If you’re happy with how you have chosen to move forward in life, then stop being unhappy because other people think that you should be.

Stop wasting time, waiting for the future that others have planned for you.  Go out there and just be you.  You don’t owe anyone a single thing.  There’s only one person you owe, and that person is yourself.  You owe yourself the motivation to do what is right for you, and the strength to stand by that.  You owe yourself kind words of support and optimism.  You owe yourself the chance to get off of the hamster wheel and to go to where you feel the most yourself.  You don’t really owe yourself much, but it’s worth a lifetime.

More Birds, Bugs, and Boats

This gallery contains 89 photos.

There ended up being quite a few pictures I took that did not get inserted into my blog posts about my Kootenay travels so here are a few more of my favourites for your enjoyment. Here are a couple of … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats Behind

This gallery contains 23 photos.

Part III The Unlocking The day to go North came so very quickly and before I knew it, I was on a bus filled with strange faces, on my way to a place I honestly didn’t really feel like going … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats… and Nelsolonika?

This gallery contains 18 photos.

Part II.V (A surprise addition to my three part story) The Unexpected It was getting very close to me leaving for the North when one of my aunts surprised us with a visit.  With her, were a couple really cool … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats Cont.

This gallery contains 39 photos.

Part II The Unlearning What began as an innocent dip of my toes into what my dad likes to call the “boat life”, became a complete lifestyle transformation.  I lived in rolled up jeans and bare feet, showering became a … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats

Alas, I have returned.  I guess it has been about seven months since I’ve posted anything really but it wasn’t just a break from my blog… I ended up taking a whole break from my entire life as some would … Continue reading

False Presumptions

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It takes more than a night to know somebody.  More than a kiss to know their true colours.  Who they are is but a whisper, clouded in by false pretenses and old habits.  How do you ever really know someone, and when is a good time to turn the other way?

Each one of us has a story, with parts that turn raw and gory.  And we are ashamed.  We should not be afraid of what lurks within our emotions or what makes us feel alive.  What is wrong with a little raw humanity and just doing something because you want to?  It doesn’t have to mean more than the simplest of things but it also doesn’t have to mean that we don’t care.  Who decides whether or not it should be complicated?

We live in a world where we are told that there are always strings attached.  We don’t want to owe anyone anything.

We live in a world where one misstep tells a person that you are just like all the rest.  We are afraid.

We are afraid of the things we want to trust, the things we wish we were brave enough to pull close.  We are laying alone at night, thinking of that person who we think should be the last thing on our minds.  We live in a world where we can’t tell that person anything that we are feeling because it is considered weak and desperate.

When will it be okay to be honest?  When will it be okay to just feel a little?

My Fear

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Fear is a large blanket, covered in many different scenarios.  Fear means many things to many people.  For me fear is the movement of six little legs, moving my way.  Fear is standing on the peak of my favourite mountain, looking down, and trying not to let the edge pull me off.  It is the affection of a lover from whom I have yet  to gain trust.  Fear comes to me in the form of a compliment I do not believe.  Fear is not knowing what is lurking in the shadows when I am alone in the eve’.  Fear is opening up my doors and dropping all of my walls with a very great chance of being burned.  I am afraid of moments like this, writing a post, where I fear I am unable to outdo my last one. Fear is that moment when my heart nearly stops in my chest and I don’t know what to do next to change the path of the situation.  Fear is the bane of my existence.  The thing that holds me back from all of the wild adventure in the unknown.  Fear for me is the word “no” when “yes” should be the only answer.

 

What is fear for you?

 

All pictures and words are my own.©

I Am

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I am procrastination at its finest

Its juiciest and its ripest

I have many dreams and ambitions

Never to unfold

I am the tail end of a story

Never to be told

I am that dream in the night

That easily escapes no matter how hard you fight

So long to such feelings

Give in to believing

In the miracles that live in your mind

The art of relaxing, it is divine

Give in to temptation

Like the warm covers keeping you from facing a nation

I am procrastination at its finest

Its juiciest and its ripest

Just take a bite.

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