I am thankful for all of the challenges that life presents me. The hard times taught me so many important lessons and without them, I wouldn’t have come as far as I have.
Things get a little dim sometimes; lost in transition. You’ve got to take a moment every so often to get back what you hid in the shadows. Spinning and spinning until fragments of yourself fall, giving way to what lies beneath. Raw and vulnerable, without your shell, you have forgotten what it is to be guarded. The walls you used to keep high have disappeared and you can’t even place when it happened. You don’t even remember what it was like to be so withdrawn.
You had never known you could become so jaded. You never knew that it could go away either. But you did, and it has.
The world around you is just as cold and dangerous as before, but you don’t care. You see what is beautiful and you are basking in it. It can’t hurt you anymore. The lights are out, but you can see it all so much more clearly than before. The limitless horizon is open before you. Run into it. Don’t bother to look back, it’s all behind you now and what is to come can only be better. You weren’t supposed to stay behind if that’s not where you find yourself today. Move forward, let it go.
Those thoughts you’re having – the anxiety, the pain, the fear, the self-consciousness – let them go. You are who you are and that is all you need to be. Let yourself go, give into yourself and move to the beat of your passions. You won’t let anyone ever make you feel small again, you won’t even consider letting them.
The seriousness is all a joke, none of it really matters in the end. All that matters is that you smiled, if even just to yourself. A smile makes up for every bad thing in your day, every negative thought. When they come up, just smile. None of that matters, push it away with a smile and move on. People have a very hard time moving on from these small, simple nuances during their days and over time, these things accumulate into a darkness that sits inside. They put up walls and guard their hearts against the world so much so, that not even the good can get in anymore. Where did you go?
Sometimes it can feel like you are floating through life; the expectations that others have for you, weighing heavy on your thoughts. You don’t know where you are going, and maybe only have a faint idea of where you would like to go but that isn’t good enough. It’s not good enough for the hungry questions they keep asking you. It’s not enough for the questioning and sometimes disappointed looks in their eyes. According to them, you never made it and they feel responsible. They feel responsible for some sick and selfish reason, that honestly has nothing to do with them.
Honesty aside, it possibly does have something to do with them. If they weren’t always trying to steer you in the “right” direction and their expectations weren’t burning holes into you at night, then maybe you would have had a better idea of what YOU actually want. Maybe, you might actually already be where you want to be (or maybe it would be easier to realize that you are there already). It doesn’t matter if you have some big title, fancy house, and/or a wife and three kids. No, it doesn’t matter if you have all your money organized, and put away into pretty little accounts, so you can go away on weekends. It doesn’t matter if you fit into this nice little box of what it means to be an adult. None of that matters, unless it truly matters to YOU and you alone.
If you’re happy working odd jobs, travelling the world and living in your car… being colourful or quiet or weird. If you dropped out of college because it just didn’t feel right… or if you never went at all, because you just couldn’t seem to fathom it, though everyone kept telling you that’s where you ought to be… If you’re happy with how you have chosen to move forward in life, then stop being unhappy because other people think that you should be.
Stop wasting time, waiting for the future that others have planned for you. Go out there and just be you. You don’t owe anyone a single thing. There’s only one person you owe, and that person is yourself. You owe yourself the motivation to do what is right for you, and the strength to stand by that. You owe yourself kind words of support and optimism. You owe yourself the chance to get off of the hamster wheel and to go to where you feel the most yourself. You don’t really owe yourself much, but it’s worth a lifetime.
Alas, I have returned. I guess it has been about seven months since I’ve posted anything really but it wasn’t just a break from my blog… I ended up taking a whole break from my entire life as some would … Continue reading
As many people don’t know, I have been (finally!) working on a new blog post to announce my return to the digital world and talking about where I’ve been hiding these past months. I was having a really rough time getting the words out and had only written about two hundred within the past four days. However, today was the day that nearly a thousand of them flooded my screen. Part I of my return post was complete. At least for a few short moments it was. You see, I had thought that I had saved my work when I went to go preview it. It hadn’t saved properly. I was in denial when I couldn’t scroll below the two hundred words… that’s when the anger hit and I screamed, nearly throwing my laptop before running out of the room in disbelief and horror. This is not a normal response from me and I know there are a lot of people who would not fully understand how much of an impact this moment had. However, I know that somewhere, there are people who totally get it.
It is amazing how much of a difference one second can make to your day and your life. I had just been smiling with pride moments before, excited about how the format would look finally published. Then I lost my mind and went to stand in the shower for a while before coming back to search for an article about coping with the loss of written work. There is no such article that I could find.
I thought that an article like that was sure to exist. How could it not? Google is supposed to have all of the answers in’t it? Actually no, it doesn’t and for the first time in my little life, Google let me down. I felt so alone, staring at the screen, realizing that maybe it was just me, alone with a blinking text cursor rubbing my fate in my face.
I would like to note that I am still going to rewrite my return post as though this one had never been written and hopefully it can be anywhere near as good as the original… but until then, here are some steps for coping with the loss of your written (or other creative) work.
I. Walk Away and Get Some Air.
II. Do Something Else for a Few Minutes (Hopefully something that makes you feel good… like sex or eating).
III. There Is More Where That Came From.
IV. It Doesn’t Have to be Exactly the Same to be Great.
V. Forget About It and Start Over Fresh.
VI. Rome Wasn’t Built In a Day (And I’m sure they had struggles too).
VII. You Are Not Alone.
VIII. Try Working on a Different Piece and Then Go Back to It.
IX. It’s Not Your Fault (Accidents happen. That’s what life and learning are all about).
X. This Too, Shall Pass.
Have you ever simply closed your eyes and just listened to the breeze? Listened to the whistling of the leaves and that quiet in between? There really isn’t anything else like it. It carries you away on a lighthearted symphony that is so soft and so free. Take a moment and come along with me.
When you’re here, there’s never any rush. Take your time, and embrace it all. Look around you, breathe it all in. This is beauty in its rawest form and you are here to witness it. Listen to every chirp, every groan, and every creak. Let every sound, smell, and sight fill you up. Lay in it and let it hold you.
What you are witnessing is a living, breathing masterpiece; a muse eternal.
I have never felt a love, a joy, or a sense of wonder like this. Nothing can compare. I am whole here and there isn’t a worry in the world.
So close your eyes and take a moment. Take it now. What you’re missing is floating on the wind.