Shed Your Shell

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Things get a little dim sometimes; lost in transition.  You’ve got to take a moment every so often to get back what you hid in the shadows.  Spinning and spinning until fragments of yourself fall, giving way to what lies beneath.  Raw and vulnerable, without your shell, you have forgotten what it is to be guarded.  The walls you used to keep high have disappeared and you can’t even place when it happened.  You don’t even remember what it was like to be so withdrawn.

You had never known you could become so jaded.  You never knew that it could go away either.  But  you did, and it has.

The world around you is just as cold and dangerous as before, but you don’t care.  You see what is beautiful and you are basking in it.  It can’t hurt you anymore.  The lights are out, but you can see it all so much more clearly than before.  The limitless horizon is open before you.  Run into it.  Don’t bother to look back, it’s all behind you now and what is to come can only be better.  You weren’t supposed to stay behind if that’s not where you find yourself today.  Move forward, let it go.

Those thoughts you’re having – the anxiety, the pain, the fear, the self-consciousness – let them go.  You are who you are and that is all you need to be.  Let yourself go, give into yourself and move to the beat of your passions.  You won’t let anyone ever make you feel small again, you won’t even consider letting them.

The seriousness is all a joke, none of it really matters in the end.  All that matters is that you smiled, if even just to yourself.  A smile makes up for every bad thing in your day, every negative thought.  When they come up, just smile.  None of that matters, push it away with a smile and move on.  People have a very hard time moving on from these small, simple nuances during their days and over time, these things accumulate into a darkness that sits inside.  They put up walls and guard their hearts against the world so much so, that not even the good can get in anymore.  Where did you go?

More Birds, Bugs, and Boats

This gallery contains 89 photos.

There ended up being quite a few pictures I took that did not get inserted into my blog posts about my Kootenay travels so here are a few more of my favourites for your enjoyment. Here are a couple of … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats Behind

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Part III The Unlocking The day to go North came so very quickly and before I knew it, I was on a bus filled with strange faces, on my way to a place I honestly didn’t really feel like going … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats… and Nelsolonika?

This gallery contains 18 photos.

Part II.V (A surprise addition to my three part story) The Unexpected It was getting very close to me leaving for the North when one of my aunts surprised us with a visit.  With her, were a couple really cool … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats Cont.

This gallery contains 39 photos.

Part II The Unlearning What began as an innocent dip of my toes into what my dad likes to call the “boat life”, became a complete lifestyle transformation.  I lived in rolled up jeans and bare feet, showering became a … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats

Alas, I have returned.  I guess it has been about seven months since I’ve posted anything really but it wasn’t just a break from my blog… I ended up taking a whole break from my entire life as some would … Continue reading

Coping With the Loss of Your Written Content

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As many people don’t know, I have been (finally!) working on a new blog post to announce my return to the digital world and talking about where I’ve been hiding these past months.  I was having a really rough time getting the words out and had only written about two hundred within the past four days.  However, today was the day that nearly a thousand of them flooded my screen.  Part I of my return post was complete.  At least for a few short moments it was.  You see, I had thought that I had saved my work when I went to go preview it.  It hadn’t saved properly.  I was in denial when I couldn’t scroll below the two hundred words… that’s when the anger hit and I screamed, nearly throwing my laptop before running out of the room in disbelief and horror.  This is not a normal response from me and I know there are a lot of people who would not fully understand how much of an impact this moment had.  However, I know that somewhere, there are people who totally get it.

It is amazing how much of a difference one second can make to your day and your life.  I had just been smiling with pride moments before, excited about how the format would look finally published.  Then I lost my mind and went to stand in the shower for a while before coming back to search for an article about coping with the loss of written work.  There is no such article that I could find.

I thought that an article like that was sure to exist.  How could it not?  Google is supposed to have all of the answers in’t it?  Actually no, it doesn’t and for the first time in my little life, Google let me down.  I felt so alone, staring at the screen, realizing that maybe it was just me, alone with a blinking text cursor rubbing my fate in my face.

I would like to note that I am still going to rewrite my return post as though this one had never been written and hopefully it can be anywhere near as good as the original… but until then, here are some steps for coping with the loss of your written (or other creative) work.

I. Walk Away and Get Some Air.

II. Do Something Else for a Few Minutes (Hopefully something that makes you feel good… like sex or eating).

III. There Is More Where That Came From.

IV. It Doesn’t Have to be Exactly the Same to be Great.

V. Forget About It and Start Over Fresh.

VI. Rome Wasn’t Built In a Day (And I’m sure they had struggles too).

VII. You Are Not Alone.

VIII. Try Working on a Different Piece and Then Go Back to It.

IX. It’s Not Your Fault (Accidents happen. That’s what life and learning are all about).

X. This Too, Shall Pass.

When You Weren’t Looking

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It seems like there has been a lot of death around me lately.  Usually it’s not something I feel comfortable talking about but it’s been making me feel so much.  I’ve decided that maybe the best way to deal with these feelings is to write.

You hear about people dying in genocides, terrorist attacks, wars of religion etc. and it has become such a common occurrence that that now it no longer phases us.  Not one of us remembers the faces of the dead who bare no names.  Not one of us remembers the names of the of the dead who bare no connection to our world.  We go on like nothing is happening.  We live in a paradise, with our backs to the shadows.

Sometimes death will hit very close to home.  It’s harder to ignore.  Yet I’ve noticed that somehow we are all still withdrawn, even once death has now made itself very real.  Even once death has touched us.  Is it all the death on the news, in the movies, and in our games?  Or is it normal?  Is it normal that no one seems to ache for the loss of precious lives?  Or is it weird to feel such anguish, when you have no connection to the deceased?

I am sure people do feel something when strangers pass but they have just become so skilled at isolating themselves from it.

I know I am not alone in feeling such pain for the dead.  I know I am not alone in feeling such pain for their families.  I know I am not alone in wishing I could fix what was broken… but I feel so empty.  What is the point?  Why are the least deserving taken the earliest?  Who decides their fate?  I am sure that is not the choice they would have made.

Life is so fleeting, so beautiful, and so full of pain.  It is a light in the darkness that you weren’t sure you saw.  It is that taste in your mouth that you can’t seem to place.  Life is time that passed when you weren’t looking and now you can’t remember where you’ve come from.  And in the end, it doesn’t really matter, because it’ll all be gone once you get where you’re going.

I think it’s really disturbing that at one moment, everything could be fine.  Then in a second later, the world flips, and you’re gone; as fast as sparks flying up from the fire.  There is no goodbye, the end comes too fast.

Now here I am by myself, crying for all the people I don’t know and never will.  I am thinking of all the things they’ll never see, all the things they’ll never do, and always wondering why they weren’t supposed to.

I Have Been Nominated For a Blog Award? No Way! (learn a bit about me)

a medly of the old and new 952  I didn’t even know this was a thing… especially  since I am still quite fresh in the community.  Either way, knowing that someone likes my blog enough to nominate me makes me feel very warm and happy inside.  Thank you Conquer Your Emotions for nominating me for the Liebster Blog Award!

For anyone who does not know what this award is, go here :   http://lorrainemariereguly.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/the-liebster-award-the-official-rules-my-first-blog-award-and-a-few-personal-secrets-revealed/

To accept the award, there are some rules to follow which are thankfully quite simple 🙂 :

I. Thank the person who nominated you and share a link to their blog.

II. There are 10 questions given by the nominee before you that you must answer.

III. You have to choose 10 of your favourite blogs (that have less than 200 followers) and notify them of their nomination.

IV. You now must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.

So now to answer the questions I have been given by Conquer Your Emotions:

1. What is your passion?

Well, I actually have many passions so this is a little difficult.  I would say my top two passions are writing and spending time nature though.

2. What is a place you would like to travel?

Travel is something that boils in my blood and I really would love to travel everywhere and learn of all the different cultures.  If I had to pick just one though it would be Tahiti.  I think I pick that mainly because it is very cold where I am haha.

3. How has writing affected your life?

Writing hasn’t really affected my life.  It IS my life. I have been writing since before I knew the alphabet (making up symbols and writing stories haha) and my mum read to me from the very beginning of my life.  her reading to me gave me a great respect for words and I am very thankful for that because I believe that writing is who I am and I’m not sure where I would be without it.

4. What is your favorite dish, food, or place to eat?

Oh my haha I LOVE food.  I would say that all food is my favourite food but that wouldn’t be a proper answer to the question now would it? If I had to narrow it down I think it would be stir fry because it can incorporate many things such as noodles, veggies, meats, and everything else wonderful 🙂

5. What is your biggest goal for the new year?

My biggest goal for the New Year would be to start making more choices with ME in mind. I worry too much of other people’s wants and will often forget my own.

6. Do you feel like it is important to connect with nature?

Yes.  I believe that nature is a vital part of us as human beings.  It is always so grounding to just go lay in it and let the breeze caress your face and play with your hair.  Connecting with nature is so intimate on such a different level and I find that very magical.

7. What is something you have anyways wanted to do, but haven’t?

I always thought it would be really awesome to bike across Canada (my home country).  It would take forever and make me broke but I long for an incredible journey such as that so hopefully it something I can and will do sooner rather than later 🙂

8. What is your favorite type of animal?

I like giant squid, turtles, and cats not necessarily in that order.

9. Is there a person who is very inspirational to you?

A person who is really inspirational to me… that would have to be my father. He lives his life the way he wants to and he is so happy without needing very much.  My dad is very creative and adventurous and never takes no for an answer. However, that is just one inspiration of many though because in all honesty, the whole world inspires me.  Everyone is inspiring, even if they are just a stranger on the bus.  Never underestimate others, they all have incredible stories.

10. What are some of your hobbies?

Well I write, knit, draw, paint (sometimes), workout (run, snowshoe, yoga etc. not as much lately though but plan on getting back into it), read, make jewelry, and pretty much any crafty hobby that comes my way 🙂

Thank you again for the nomination Conquer Your Emotions 😀

Now for my nominees I have your questions right here:

I. If you could do one anything right now, what would that one thing be?

II. What are the 5 things closest to you physically right now?

III. What drives/motivates you?

IV. What would your perfect day look like?

V. What is something you have always wanted to do but haven’t done?

VI. What is your favourite childhood memory?

VII. What is your favourite food?

VIII. What do you like doing when you want to be alone?

IX. If you had a time machine, where would you go?

X. What are five of your favourite anythings?

Happy Blogging! ©

 

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