I’d Like To Say I Took A Ton Of Amazing Pictures The Whole Time I’ve Been Away… I Haven’t.

Well holy crap.  Who would have thought I would be leaving my blog again once I was finally back in the habit of writing a bit more frequently?  Definitely not me.  However, sometimes things happen and that’s just the way it is.  At least I’m not dead and could get back to it eventually right?

Truth is, it was my last computer that died and me, being the picky person that I am, couldn’t handle blogging from my phone.  Needless to say, I couldn’t bring myself to blog from it at all.  Hell, I can barely even reply to text messages these days.  Plus, there is something about the way one chooses to go about writing something.  It’s a whole experience you know? Or maybe you don’t, and that’s okay too.  Not saying I am a mastermind, genius of a writer or anything, but there is something to the whole experience.  Honestly, my favourite way to write is by hand but keyboard would be second best.  Typing is satisfying and also a good way to get the mind flowing, with the clackety-clacking of the buttons and such.  Plus you can type and edit faster this way, which is a bonus in my books.

Why did it take me so long to get a new computer you ask?  It’s silly really.  I probably could have taken care of this issue much sooner but I just wasn’t ready.  I’d like to think I am a person of ‘timing’ but I’m not so sure I can go as far to say that, though I am quite particular in the time I choose to do things; especially when it comes to making a purchase.

The other day, things lined up.  I found a nice little laptop that I wasn’t compromising with.  It has everything that I was after and a nice price tag too, so I took the jump and brought it home.

As far as pictures go (I think the title for this piece says something about them, does it not?), I wasn’t as motivated to take pictures with nowhere to upload to… which I am kicking myself over now.  Sure I took pictures here and there on my phone but those don’t really count as far as I am concerned.  My camera was brought out a couple of times but it spent most of its time, during the last couple years, collecting dust.  I’ll see what I’ve got though and I may make a little album dedicated to my time of “Lost Ideas”… yeah, that’s what we’ll call this gap haha.  Not that ALL of my ideas were lost, but most of them were.

I can’t wait to write more again and see what crazy things my mind decides to create.  It’s been a while and who knows what’s stored away up there. Anyways, here’s to ‘timing’ and getting back into writing again!

 

And oh yeah, I got a dog somewhere along the way.  This is Sampson.

20170926_205946

Advertisements

Shed Your Shell

DSCN2602

Things get a little dim sometimes; lost in transition.  You’ve got to take a moment every so often to get back what you hid in the shadows.  Spinning and spinning until fragments of yourself fall, giving way to what lies beneath.  Raw and vulnerable, without your shell, you have forgotten what it is to be guarded.  The walls you used to keep high have disappeared and you can’t even place when it happened.  You don’t even remember what it was like to be so withdrawn.

You had never known you could become so jaded.  You never knew that it could go away either.  But  you did, and it has.

The world around you is just as cold and dangerous as before, but you don’t care.  You see what is beautiful and you are basking in it.  It can’t hurt you anymore.  The lights are out, but you can see it all so much more clearly than before.  The limitless horizon is open before you.  Run into it.  Don’t bother to look back, it’s all behind you now and what is to come can only be better.  You weren’t supposed to stay behind if that’s not where you find yourself today.  Move forward, let it go.

Those thoughts you’re having – the anxiety, the pain, the fear, the self-consciousness – let them go.  You are who you are and that is all you need to be.  Let yourself go, give into yourself and move to the beat of your passions.  You won’t let anyone ever make you feel small again, you won’t even consider letting them.

The seriousness is all a joke, none of it really matters in the end.  All that matters is that you smiled, if even just to yourself.  A smile makes up for every bad thing in your day, every negative thought.  When they come up, just smile.  None of that matters, push it away with a smile and move on.  People have a very hard time moving on from these small, simple nuances during their days and over time, these things accumulate into a darkness that sits inside.  They put up walls and guard their hearts against the world so much so, that not even the good can get in anymore.  Where did you go?

More Birds, Bugs, and Boats

This gallery contains 89 photos.

There ended up being quite a few pictures I took that did not get inserted into my blog posts about my Kootenay travels so here are a few more of my favourites for your enjoyment. Here are a couple of … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats Behind

This gallery contains 23 photos.

Part III The Unlocking The day to go North came so very quickly and before I knew it, I was on a bus filled with strange faces, on my way to a place I honestly didn’t really feel like going … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats… and Nelsolonika?

This gallery contains 18 photos.

Part II.V (A surprise addition to my three part story) The Unexpected It was getting very close to me leaving for the North when one of my aunts surprised us with a visit.  With her, were a couple really cool … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats Cont.

This gallery contains 39 photos.

Part II The Unlearning What began as an innocent dip of my toes into what my dad likes to call the “boat life”, became a complete lifestyle transformation.  I lived in rolled up jeans and bare feet, showering became a … Continue reading

Birds, Bugs, and Boats

Alas, I have returned.  I guess it has been about seven months since I’ve posted anything really but it wasn’t just a break from my blog… I ended up taking a whole break from my entire life as some would … Continue reading

Coping With the Loss of Your Written Content

DSCN4774

As many people don’t know, I have been (finally!) working on a new blog post to announce my return to the digital world and talking about where I’ve been hiding these past months.  I was having a really rough time getting the words out and had only written about two hundred within the past four days.  However, today was the day that nearly a thousand of them flooded my screen.  Part I of my return post was complete.  At least for a few short moments it was.  You see, I had thought that I had saved my work when I went to go preview it.  It hadn’t saved properly.  I was in denial when I couldn’t scroll below the two hundred words… that’s when the anger hit and I screamed, nearly throwing my laptop before running out of the room in disbelief and horror.  This is not a normal response from me and I know there are a lot of people who would not fully understand how much of an impact this moment had.  However, I know that somewhere, there are people who totally get it.

It is amazing how much of a difference one second can make to your day and your life.  I had just been smiling with pride moments before, excited about how the format would look finally published.  Then I lost my mind and went to stand in the shower for a while before coming back to search for an article about coping with the loss of written work.  There is no such article that I could find.

I thought that an article like that was sure to exist.  How could it not?  Google is supposed to have all of the answers in’t it?  Actually no, it doesn’t and for the first time in my little life, Google let me down.  I felt so alone, staring at the screen, realizing that maybe it was just me, alone with a blinking text cursor rubbing my fate in my face.

I would like to note that I am still going to rewrite my return post as though this one had never been written and hopefully it can be anywhere near as good as the original… but until then, here are some steps for coping with the loss of your written (or other creative) work.

I. Walk Away and Get Some Air.

II. Do Something Else for a Few Minutes (Hopefully something that makes you feel good… like sex or eating).

III. There Is More Where That Came From.

IV. It Doesn’t Have to be Exactly the Same to be Great.

V. Forget About It and Start Over Fresh.

VI. Rome Wasn’t Built In a Day (And I’m sure they had struggles too).

VII. You Are Not Alone.

VIII. Try Working on a Different Piece and Then Go Back to It.

IX. It’s Not Your Fault (Accidents happen. That’s what life and learning are all about).

X. This Too, Shall Pass.

When You Weren’t Looking

DSCN3887

It seems like there has been a lot of death around me lately.  Usually it’s not something I feel comfortable talking about but it’s been making me feel so much.  I’ve decided that maybe the best way to deal with these feelings is to write.

You hear about people dying in genocides, terrorist attacks, wars of religion etc. and it has become such a common occurrence that that now it no longer phases us.  Not one of us remembers the faces of the dead who bare no names.  Not one of us remembers the names of the of the dead who bare no connection to our world.  We go on like nothing is happening.  We live in a paradise, with our backs to the shadows.

Sometimes death will hit very close to home.  It’s harder to ignore.  Yet I’ve noticed that somehow we are all still withdrawn, even once death has now made itself very real.  Even once death has touched us.  Is it all the death on the news, in the movies, and in our games?  Or is it normal?  Is it normal that no one seems to ache for the loss of precious lives?  Or is it weird to feel such anguish, when you have no connection to the deceased?

I am sure people do feel something when strangers pass but they have just become so skilled at isolating themselves from it.

I know I am not alone in feeling such pain for the dead.  I know I am not alone in feeling such pain for their families.  I know I am not alone in wishing I could fix what was broken… but I feel so empty.  What is the point?  Why are the least deserving taken the earliest?  Who decides their fate?  I am sure that is not the choice they would have made.

Life is so fleeting, so beautiful, and so full of pain.  It is a light in the darkness that you weren’t sure you saw.  It is that taste in your mouth that you can’t seem to place.  Life is time that passed when you weren’t looking and now you can’t remember where you’ve come from.  And in the end, it doesn’t really matter, because it’ll all be gone once you get where you’re going.

I think it’s really disturbing that at one moment, everything could be fine.  Then in a second later, the world flips, and you’re gone; as fast as sparks flying up from the fire.  There is no goodbye, the end comes too fast.

Now here I am by myself, crying for all the people I don’t know and never will.  I am thinking of all the things they’ll never see, all the things they’ll never do, and always wondering why they weren’t supposed to.