I am thankful for all of the challenges that life presents me. The hard times taught me so many important lessons and without them, I wouldn’t have come as far as I have.
Things get a little dim sometimes; lost in transition. You’ve got to take a moment every so often to get back what you hid in the shadows. Spinning and spinning until fragments of yourself fall, giving way to what lies beneath. Raw and vulnerable, without your shell, you have forgotten what it is to be guarded. The walls you used to keep high have disappeared and you can’t even place when it happened. You don’t even remember what it was like to be so withdrawn.
You had never known you could become so jaded. You never knew that it could go away either. But you did, and it has.
The world around you is just as cold and dangerous as before, but you don’t care. You see what is beautiful and you are basking in it. It can’t hurt you anymore. The lights are out, but you can see it all so much more clearly than before. The limitless horizon is open before you. Run into it. Don’t bother to look back, it’s all behind you now and what is to come can only be better. You weren’t supposed to stay behind if that’s not where you find yourself today. Move forward, let it go.
Those thoughts you’re having – the anxiety, the pain, the fear, the self-consciousness – let them go. You are who you are and that is all you need to be. Let yourself go, give into yourself and move to the beat of your passions. You won’t let anyone ever make you feel small again, you won’t even consider letting them.
The seriousness is all a joke, none of it really matters in the end. All that matters is that you smiled, if even just to yourself. A smile makes up for every bad thing in your day, every negative thought. When they come up, just smile. None of that matters, push it away with a smile and move on. People have a very hard time moving on from these small, simple nuances during their days and over time, these things accumulate into a darkness that sits inside. They put up walls and guard their hearts against the world so much so, that not even the good can get in anymore. Where did you go?
Sometimes it can feel like you are floating through life; the expectations that others have for you, weighing heavy on your thoughts. You don’t know where you are going, and maybe only have a faint idea of where you would like to go but that isn’t good enough. It’s not good enough for the hungry questions they keep asking you. It’s not enough for the questioning and sometimes disappointed looks in their eyes. According to them, you never made it and they feel responsible. They feel responsible for some sick and selfish reason, that honestly has nothing to do with them.
Honesty aside, it possibly does have something to do with them. If they weren’t always trying to steer you in the “right” direction and their expectations weren’t burning holes into you at night, then maybe you would have had a better idea of what YOU actually want. Maybe, you might actually already be where you want to be (or maybe it would be easier to realize that you are there already). It doesn’t matter if you have some big title, fancy house, and/or a wife and three kids. No, it doesn’t matter if you have all your money organized, and put away into pretty little accounts, so you can go away on weekends. It doesn’t matter if you fit into this nice little box of what it means to be an adult. None of that matters, unless it truly matters to YOU and you alone.
If you’re happy working odd jobs, travelling the world and living in your car… being colourful or quiet or weird. If you dropped out of college because it just didn’t feel right… or if you never went at all, because you just couldn’t seem to fathom it, though everyone kept telling you that’s where you ought to be… If you’re happy with how you have chosen to move forward in life, then stop being unhappy because other people think that you should be.
Stop wasting time, waiting for the future that others have planned for you. Go out there and just be you. You don’t owe anyone a single thing. There’s only one person you owe, and that person is yourself. You owe yourself the motivation to do what is right for you, and the strength to stand by that. You owe yourself kind words of support and optimism. You owe yourself the chance to get off of the hamster wheel and to go to where you feel the most yourself. You don’t really owe yourself much, but it’s worth a lifetime.
Sometimes, when it’s quiet, I like to look out my window. I see all the passing cars rushing by, in a hurry to go nowhere important.
Why does no one walk anywhere anymore? Do people only walk to prove some sort of point in the fitness world now? What happened to walking for the simple fact that it was enjoyable? Walking is a time to be grounded, a time to reflect, to open up and be with yourself.
It seems that everyone partakes in activities that should be fun but instead do it for some sort of social status. I guess that is kindof like me writing this post now. Were we always so selfish to the point of limiting ourselves and ripping ourselves off from the pleasure of living?
I don’t know, maybe people enjoy that sorta thing. Maybe I’m just the odd one out. Maybe society is something in which I was never meant to take part.
However, maybe my odd love for walking is the reason I SHOULD take part in society. Everyone has their quirks and that’s what makes the world so beautiful. Diversity is such an amazing thing that many of us take for granted, especially when it comes to our own differences. It is amazing how many of us wish to change who we are, if even just a little.
It took me a very long time to realize that we are who we are meant to be and if there are any changes we want to make to ourselves, those changes should be for ourselves. In this life we should not be striving to be someone else or be jealous of their accomplishments and appearance. We should be proud of those people as well as supportive. We should be proud of ourselves as well; of our accomplishments and our unique appearances. There is so much beauty within us and many people bury it in jealousy.
Jealousy is a strong and destructive emotion that consumes many minds. It seeps into your soul on your inhale, like a sickly sweet perfume, and it sticks thickly on your skin until it is the only thing you can smell. It coats your eyes like oil and turns your mind into a terrible record on repeat. We grow tense, filled with such intense anguish and so we suffer, forgetting that we only need breathe out.
Sometimes, when it’s quiet, I like to look out my window. I see all the cars rushing by, in a hurry to go nowhere important. ©